Living in a world that thrives on our codependency, anxiety, and deep need to feel accepted, makes doing “What Feels Right”, radical. An act of protest, resistance, dissent.
It can be so isolating to feel different. Perhaps you are newly in love or newlyweds. Or pregnant, postpartum, grieving a loss, parenting, caregiving, transitioning. working multiple jobs, just starting out, coming to an end, or in any state of flux. You’re different. You’re still you. But you’re different. You’ve changed. Maybe it feels like you’ve grown. Maybe it feels like you’ve unearthed. Maybe it feels like you’ve gone back to who you lost. But you’re different. And it magnifies how “the same” all the others feel to you. F*CK isn’t it lonely when it feels like the rest of your world is going on without you?? And yet you’re so IN IT in your own life that you can’t imagine jumping back into things. But shit- don’t they all know? Don’t they see you? The new you? The real you? Do they recognize you? “IS ANYONE OUT THERE?!”
And then sometimes the worlds overlap. You’re invited out. You’re requested at the______ at 8pm sharp. “But what about childcare, my sore ankles, coverage at my shift, my........” In that moment both parties feel wronged. (I’m sure she won’t show- she never does anymore.—- I’m not ready to do that but I don’t want to disappoint her.) Well listen here: it’s ok to grow and change, and not everyone will or needs to accept the new you. Be Yourself, and remember that listening to your gut, your intuition, and following it, is a protest. It’s resistance against the culture that feeds off of making us feel like we have to do things to please others. JUST DO YOU.
Next time you want to follow the less traveled path, wear clothes that fit and feel comfortable, stay home with your partner or kids, skip a virtual classical guitar concert to masturbate, or whatever heck else it is- do it. Make decisions that keep you safe, protected, and happy. You don’t answer to anyone but yourself.
This week, try to listen to What You Want. And if you notice it’s different than all the things you’re actually doing, feel free to make some changes.