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Setting Boundaries while Pregnant, Postpartum & Beyond

“Boundaries, what are they good for? Absolutely everything! Say it again!”

From the moment you decide to have a baby everything shifts, massively! All of a sudden you are not just thinking for yourself. You are now making every decision for you, your baby, and your family.

In doula work we like to use the phrase “bubble of peace” or “protect your bubble of peace”.

What does that even mean?

Imagine a beautiful, iridescent bubble protecting you, your baby and your family. Imagine this bubble protecting you from others judgement, negativity and input just bouncing right off.

What’s left inside this bubble? Ahhhhh your peace, your sanity, your happiness, less anxiety, MORE JOY!

Doesn’t that sound deliciously good?

So how do we get said “bubble of peace”?! Well bubble of peace AKA BOUNDARIES come when we stand in our power and say what it is we need *guilt free*. If this past year taught us anything it taught us to really exercise our boundary muscles.

It’s really difficult in the birth and postpartum space to stand your ground for what you want and need. We have so much on our minds, our hormones are all over the place, we’re feeling everything, and we’re tired. So frigging tired.

Sometimes the “but”, or the people pleasing, or the (fill in the blank) start creeping in and talks you out of sticking up for yourself and your family!

Why is it important to have boundaries in these tender spaces like pregnancy and postpartum? Because it’s just that - tender. Honor and tend to that tenderness by protecting yourself. Create your bubble of peace. Set up those boundaries!

How do we strengthen this bubble of peace?!

Try closing your eyes. Take a couple big full breaths as you settle into your body. In your minds eye picture you, your baby, your family. Imagine light surrounding you all. Happy and at peace. Stay in that for a while. Soak it up. Smile and feel that joy resonating in your heart. Start to feel this bubble surrounding you. Lovingly protecting you. Stay in this space for as long as you want.

Now that we made this beautiful bubble, how does it look IRL (as the kids say).

Example: Do you let visitors come see your new baby days after your baby was born?

“But Aunt Betty is coming from Texas!”

Sorry Aunt Betty. We’ve decided to take 40 days post baby being born to transition into our new family. After our 40 days we will happily allow visitors!

Choosing to do a homebirth?

“But what if something bad happens?”

I appreciate your concern. We are confident and excited for our birth plan!

If you’re anything like me I suckkkkkkkkkkkk at setting boundaries. I am a people pleaser through and through. Don’t worry, your girl’s going to therapy to work on this ;) and getting better and better!

I need small exercises in boundaries in order to make the bigger decisions feel less daunting. Maybe baby steps can help you too.

Going to a party with your new baby and don’t want anyone holding them or asking to hold them? Strap on your favorite baby carrier! BOOM Boundary!

Just remember, not everyone is going to like the boundaries you place. Some may even try and push it. You can repeat to yourself “Other people’s thoughts are their own. I keep myself safe in my bubble of peace.”

Before you know it you’ll feel like less of your energy is drained, maybe there will be less anxiety, possibly less projection? What we can guarantee from this is your future self thanking you.

Now go strengthen that bubble of peace ☮️ you deserve it!

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