There are some questions we always get asked as doulas and parents of a total of 4
children combined. “Is cluster feeding normal?” (Yes.) “Is the ‘ring of fire’ real?” (Yes,
though miserable imagery in that phrase.)“Do I need to ‘pump and dump’? (No.)
“How long will it take to ‘bounce back’ after birth?” (That concept is an illusion) The
list goes on. There also some questions that never get asked- for one reason or
another- though we know from personal experience and years doing doula work
that parents, specifically the birthing parent, are wondering about. Let’s begin with
this one: Will I ever want to have sex again?
Believe it or not one day, maybe far from now and maybe right around the corner,
you will feel strong, sexy and ready to engage in more physically intimate acts with
your partner. Imagine that! It may just happen out of nowhere. You may wake up
one morning or get ready for bed one night and BAM, like a bolt of sexual lightening
you will be transformed into a sex goddexx and be ready to make up for lost time, as
they say. Oh how I hope that is you!
For most though, it will be a slow and steady journey of self-care and emotional
bonding with your partner that will ready you for deeper physical intimacy.
Ensuring you are nourished, quenched, well slept (its all relative) and feeling
supported by your partner, family, friends, whomever, will lend itself to the revival
of your libido. And also, biology. For many, lactation (breastfeeding/pumping) can
keep Estrogen levels low, which can result in vaginal dryness- making intercourse
uncomfortable without lubricant- and making you disinterested in sex at all. In that
case, staying well hydrated and practicing patience are key. No one can guarantee
that you will return to the feelings you experienced before your pregnancy. Things
have changed, shifted, grown. However if you can mentally accept the change and
welcome in patience and self care, you can rest assured that your sex drive will be
there waiting for you with a smile…and a wink.